Unfathomable Grace

I am privileged. I return home from a day at work filled with deep conversations with my peers about the church, race, and politics. My family discusses these issues of injustice over dinner and I continue these conversations over Facetime with friends. Then, however, I find myself closing the door to my bedroom, turning off the news, and retreating to the comfort of my own little world where I do not have to worry about anyone else. This is a privilege. My skin color does not haunt or disadvantage me daily. Instead, I have come to find that there are many situations in which I have benefited from my skin color. I am privileged and that is constantly being revealed to me. 

I can be racist. The horrific deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Tamir Rice, Aiyana Jones, and countless others infuriate me. My voice joins the movement that demands justice for these lost lives. I claim I am not racist, but I have the ability to be racist. I am racist when I am tense up or get nervous at a gas station when a black man is near me; I know I would not react the same if it was a white man or even a black man I knew. Why do I act this way?

I am worried. I am worried, even nauseous at times because I fear that I am going to become numb. That I will get used to remaining comfortable, not challenging and expanding my mind, or fighting against injustice. That I will grow numb to the deaths of black men and women at the hands of police. 

I am struck by God’s grace. My mind is a jumbled mess, but one thing that I am in awe of is Jesus’ unfathomable grace. A friend reminded me of this recently. Too often I cheapen God’s grace and love. God has grace for these parts of me, but not this part of me. Thank goodness this is not the truth! God has grace for me even when I remain comfortable in my privilege and when I experience racist thoughts and actions. He has grace for me when I misunderstand others. God’s grace covers all. He forgives the oppressor and He loves the oppressed. 

However, the grace of God does not lead to idleness. God’s grace should CHANGE us. So I am praying that I will be constantly reminded of the wonderful grace that has been offered to me and then do something about it. I want to push back against my sinful nature and seek justice, love, and mercy. I want to challenge myself to enter into uncomfortable situations and conversations to emphasize the worth of all my neighbors. I am going to try to love those who believe, look, and act differently than me. Only Jesus can help me pursue these things. He is going to have to give me a whole lot of grace and love along the way, but that is exactly what he will do.